When a Submissive Comes Back: What Dommes Really Think

I was scrolling Reddit this morning and came across a post from a submissive who had ended things with his Domme. He said he left because he wanted to stop “using findom”. He said he has more money now. More freedom. More stability.

And yet… he misses her.

He was asking whether he should reach out again. Whether she would take him back. Whether she would be harder on him if he did.

I responded to him directly, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised this is something that doesn’t get talked about enough.

So I thought I would share here what I said to him…

“From a Domme perspective... when a submissive leaves and then comes back, it all depends entirely on why they left and how they return.

If someone left because they needed space, finances were tight, or they realised they were spiraling into something seriouslu dangerous, I respect that. Self-awareness is important.

If someone comes back I don’t just pretend nothing happened. Trust shifts. The dynamic shifts. Usually there are clearer boundaries, firmer expectations, and more structure. Not as punishment, but because consistency matters in power exchange.

You’re also asking if she’ll be harder on you... I'll be honest here. Probably, if she is actually decent at her craft. Not out of spite, but because when someone leaves and then returns, it shows instability. A Domme who takes her role seriously may test that commitment more carefully the second time.

But here’s the bigger thing:

You said you have more money now and can do more things. Yet you feel empty and miss her? that tells me this wasn’t just financial for you. It was too emotional attachment. And emotional attachment is powerful.

Before you contact her, ask yourself honestly:

Do you want her? Or do you want the feeling of surrender and structure back?

Those are not always the same thing.

If you go back, do it intentionally. Not because you’re lonely. Not because you’re bored. Not because you’re chasing a dopamine hit.

And if you truly wanted to quit findom, then going back will more than likely restart that cycle. Be realistic with yourself about that.

Whatever you decide, make sure it’s a conscious choice, not a reaction to missing the dynamic. Good luck!”

Dynamics end. People grow. Sometimes they circle back.

There’s no shame in missing someone who held a powerful space in your life. But there is responsibility in how you handle that longing.

If you go back, do it with open eyes. If you don’t, honor the reason you left.

Power exchange, at its best, is intentional. Conscious. Chosen.

And that choice should never come from loneliness alone.

Love,

AJ